i am kodok

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surfacing what is innate.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 [ 5:17 AM ]

(i say this inwardly)
baby
do you still think of me?
like a constant thought, instead of a memory
or am i a blurry reality
transformed into something that 'used to be'

(this is my daily reality)
time and time again i find myself in thoughts of her
every minute of every day
my longing for her plunges deeper
i pray for it to be swept away
but failed to receive an answer
so, a nonchalant mask I portray

(words that i long to say to her)
i scream
to say 'I MISS YOU!'
i dream
of simply loving you
i wait for the moment to redeem
the days that i can spend with you

her oh-so-lovable presence

Sunday, February 25, 2007 [ 2:16 AM ]

her last day with me

there you go far away from me
a life separated
i miss you all so suddenly
before you even departed

the next 3 months would not be easy
i really hope it passes quickly
so i can hear you sing to me (mind you it is quite horrible!)
yet,its still all so lovable... REALLY!

the MOST impatient driver!

side profile?!

tendy (aka lim pei).. my bodyguard who is afraid of ME!

reality

Thursday, February 15, 2007 [ 3:42 AM ]

love is not meant for me
she stared like she did not know me
stone-cold and empty
my tears stopped by dignity
i weep alone when there is nobody

pain surges
within this entity
temperamental urges
i give up entirely

listen to those around you?
emotional demise
they say, "The other is better for you."
but your heart bears a promise
a promise of 'I love you'
it is not a choice; this sacrifice
just a necessity I cannot undo

yet again i forcefully remove my heart from this bodily vessel
her indifference the reason
oh how it kills silently........................

Valentine's Day?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007 [ 7:07 AM ]

a day for lovers
that is certainly a joke

spent today as like any other day
a dreaded time in school
only to be laced with delicious sinful treats (brownies, chocolates, cookies and cakes)
treats that bring you to destruction
obesity makes you a joke

my existence remembered by none
objectified as a mere formality
presents and lunch treats
is that a joke?

cancelled my "special" dinner treat
and a night to remember
priority endowed to the damn tests
failing it is the joke

i cry.

Monday, February 12, 2007 [ 5:33 AM ]

my strife for happiness
comes to an end
love now turns to mere misses
where the broken heart will never mend

confessions of one's true passions
full of sincerity
efforts to weed out my emotions
pointless as i am now a hollow entity

my heart only yearns for the other
it kills my soul each night
cold tears trickle for her
robbing me from sleep night after night
i walk days without her
only with memories in sight
HER, my only want and desire
unattainable--my plight.

Sunday, February 11, 2007 [ 8:31 AM ]

love one
yet, ignored
etched in stone
a soul tortured

actions of another
evident love felt from her
yet emotions remain greater
the heart a mind's conqueror
and i remain loyal to the other

complication
confusion
give me salvation
a love full of passion
or maybe realisation
to make the right decision
rationalisation
mind over heart's emotion

a problem too great..

Monday, February 5, 2007 [ 7:40 AM ]

a question which i oft ponder
this one or the other?
knowing the rightful answer
the mind meanders like a river
it leaves me sombre
my hands are up and i surrender

painful as it may be
the choice it what it is made to be
consequences are all foretold you see
victimising only me