the unique one

woke up and the first thing i wanted to do was run my ass off(figuratively and literally)
headed to the gym for an awesome workout! a day can never start better.

it was a day of meeting up with friends and making new friends.
lunch was with rhubini, coffee was with my new friend NING and dinner was with..... a person obsessed with chicken bones(inside joke!)
all in all it was a great day till the very end.

here's a little something about my new friend NING:
1.F-U-N-N-Y (like seriously!)
2.great company
3.real easy to talk to
4.a fellow member of the "WERE fat" club. hah. ((:

i ate: chicken, 3 wantons and fruits
drank: coffee, tea, pepsi light...

PS: if you can be my study buddy tmr please text me. i need to go mug at the airport. BUT THE WHOLE WORLD IS BUSY! grr...
and YES i am a LONER, LOSER, LAMER!!

THE WORLD OF ME
"do you accept me as i am?
a walking controversy
muti-faceted and impeccably unglam
tolerating me, a fallacy

yearning to be understood
i stand in the emptiness
screams often subdued
by my facade of happiness

come to me
if you feel me
tell me
if you ever did love me..."


i had a homosexuality talk today. it being in school it was all rather factual and surface stuff.
the speaker was a guy who was on the brink of becoming a tranny but decided not to. it was extremely admirable how he was so comfortable in his own skin, with such feminine mannerisms. it was fucked though beacuse he made it sound as though being GAY is like a lunacy disorder. hmph...

GYM! GYM! GYM!
ran full on for about 5km.
super happy!
but i ate after though so i am kinda irked by that...

A TRIBUTE TO MY SISTER'S <3
she is known as SEXY HAIR(by ilya)
the ONLY girl that makes her heart flutter
THE girl who made my oh-so-boy-crazy sister a member of the "double L" haha!


double L..
live by what your body tells you to
and mine is all about the FEMALES
i know it is yours as well
embrace it
don't hide it
BE PROUD!

shitty day!
extremely fat day!
overate
did NO cardio
death day!

a day of neglect, of 'forgotten' , of alone
although the world might say that it loves you and will always be there for you
reality
you stand as a lonesome vessel
with only you yourself to depend on.. that was how my day went

after sch i spent the entire day in solitariness
to the gym, to enjoying my coffee, to eating
overwhelmed by the sense of being forgotten. i dont know why.
gym my only form of sanity after the frustration...

[RANT] i HATE people who go against their word
it is a crime to me, to make me look forward to an event and suddenly tell me that i am unable to go because of stupid lame ass reasons caused by mere irresponsibility
do not be a bitch with me, because i am a much BIGGER BITCH!(in every sense of the word...remember that!)
who are you to call me unreasonable?! (you know who you are)
fucking tick me off totally, to trust is a mistake
always ends in disappoinment
being sick does not mean the world has to bow down to you.ARGH!

MONDAY aka HELL day!
the morning thunderstorm made the start of my day a miserable one. was soaked to the undies, cold and shivering. gosh. super late for school.
the day got better with oh-so-SEXAY sarah's brownies. yum yum! ate a hell load of it. RASPUTIA is back! went to the gym after. how ironic is that?!

NOTICE:
31 March
Saturday 3pm
SMU Soccer clinic
Field Outside Cineleisure(near Youthpark)
GO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED!

mustapha centre is the place to be
if you're cool, living in the spotlight and you love fame.. head down there BECAUSE
-the place is damn hot and stuffy
-you're surrounded by darkness.. if you know what i mean
-the crowd there is MADness. no mercy, i swear
haha. BUT I STILL LOVE IT.
bargains bargains bargains!!!

i bought groceries, ate a hell load of UBER-LICIOUS indian food and enjoyed myself crazy looking at the variety of things.

Ps: honey bee if you are reading this.. bzzz bzzzzzzzzz.. which means "WE MUST GO THERE!"

well today was good. i think. HAHA!

aside from the usual hanging out, i went to the new mall at cQ. damn is the structure stupid! so claustrophobic i nearly fainted. but, the mini "vivo" was quite a tranquil place(if that's the right word). went to HOOTERS after. the food was all FRIED and the women were U-G-L-Y!!! thought maybe i could oogle at some, but i was wrong!

came home and the bitch started on me.FUCK! so i went into the room and exercised for an hour. due to the prespiration and heat from the day i have a rash breakout!ARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
yet, a great day spent! "Hello pretty lady. oops.."(laugh if you know what i'm talking about) *winks*

airmail!
sweet as...
love it a hell load.
reminisce to the sweet sounds of the "good old times"
<3333!



my life is all about school, studying, bad grades, chocolate and gym.
dull ain't it.
everyone please just step away from me.
i need alone time with my chocs and the flabs it creates.


i am not gonna talk about my day. i have more important stuff to rant about.

PLEASE KILL ME! (do it painfully but quickly)

i fucking ate HEAPS of chocolate today like there is no tomorrow. dear god! what the hell came over me?! it is an absolute MUST to gym tmr, and the word INTENSIVE is the key. dear god! dear god! dear god!

SAY HELLO TO RASPUTIA Y'ALL!!!

but i'll tell you a secret.. i am happy for all different reasons.
i smile for being chipped teeth if you know what i mean.. *coughs*
THE CHOCOLATE IS GETTING TO ME THAT I AM TALKING SHIT!

start of school. a repetition of the entire momentum. my god! and i am already sick of it....

thank god for the gym after. brought me back to sanity. good cardio makes the fatty me very happy! and poor 'ol limpei had to bear with my nosense after. I AM SORRY! hung at the staircases of tp with our faithful smokes.

came home. took a much needed nap. B O R I N G!

what i ate today: brocolli, egg tofu, some fish thingy(yong tau fu basically. HAHA!)

half of my day was filled with frustrations.
from here, there, everywhere.
simply just could not get myself out of it.

i settled down soon after around 5pm when i started polishing my brother's boots. weird as it may sound. it was actually quite therapeutic. i was doing something i was good at, after an extremely long time.
it was also then, i realised that my frustrations was due to the fact that my life for the past year and going on was a complete failure. (a failed relationship with the world, failed attempts of doing well in my education and a failure of simply being contented with myself)

my new plan in life is to rid myself off distractions. focus my mind on attaining my dreams, working damn hard to reach it and devote myself truly and honestly to the people i love. this may sound NOT like me at all, but hey a person has to be happy once in a while.

after polishing the boots for almost 2 hours. me and my lil bro went to play badminton. cheered me up a hell lot!

falling in love
is the moment shit happens

enough

distance kills
literal
//
figurative
what can i do?

a solution
please tell me.

i love her
more than i love myself

i only love her
'like' is for everything else

she says she loves me.....

me?
a person unworthy
sad is the reality
that her love is wasted on me.

a crowded room
beaming with a golden smile
yet alone in the gloom
innately you weep in shattering denial


scream
for a saviour
forever a dream
damnation the only answer

expectations of understanding
failed
hopes diminishing
dead

i have 10 FUCKING CENTS for the rest of the week
the food at home is a pile of SHIT not even digestible in my system
no more cigarretes
i am FUCKED!
because i am broke i can't go for the class outing on thurs
well done!

this is the WORST holiday of my life!!!

i miss her
so near yet so far
impossible
i love her more than chocolate(sound familiar?)
oh well...

4 strokes
and i'm still fucked
i don't know why
but i am crying
the tears just keep rolling
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

i cut myself tonight
3 strokes-- family, lovers, friends
you can never escape loneliness
in the time you are most in need
for that comforting voice
you are alone
it drives you to insanity
agitated by the mere weather, by infantile desires
why?
there is no answer

i sat in the bus on my way home
i thought about myself
as selfish as that may sound i am a SELF-CENTERED BITCH! (haha. sometimes i am nice la)
baby do you agree with that?
anyway.. the issue of obesity was screaming in my head as i saw all the beautiful people on the bus
so i have decided to starve and exercise like mad or to DIE!

if you love me
you would let me starve
because eating and the thoughts of becoming a monster really is very painful
if you love
you would help me starve
remind me of my goal
help me when i am weak
i love the world(especially my baby!!) so please love me too?



school was school. what exciting event would you expect to happen?

went to the gym w ten after school. BODY ACHE! later ten went to cut and dye her hair. i think it was $56(quite cheap eh.. maybe i'd go there next??) the style of em hair was quite aiight. lim pei looking fly, although at certain angles it does look "BENG BUNG-ish"!

i ate today. food and junk. gained weight after eating. not exaggerating.
if only there was someone who would love me despite my size or my appearance, i would be so much happier.
in a world where superficiality is inexistent.
till that day i will be what i am.

hunger
it overcame me
like a creeping disease
infecting my blood, running through my veins, invading my body

i ate
and now i hate
hate myself for being weak
giving into the temptation
the sinful temptation
KILL ME!

i dont want to be fat
i want beauty
for people to love me
people hate those that look like me
god SAVE ME!
let me be what i want to be.


another day spent with ten. went to joe's to get my web pierced but he was busy with tatt jobs that we postponed it to friday. yay! i am excited!
fucking hell the fat me went to eat today la! argh! sometimes i wonder why i am so weak. like a fuck like that. well. starvation from tmr onwards again. i pray for strength..

i miss my baby and i want her to come back to me NOW!!!!!

apparently the evil scheme of asking me to eat chicken succeeded. grrr.. i was left with no choice!

spent my day w lim pei. haha. we are such lamers and DUFUS-es!(quoting a certain someone who i miss as...)
thought the movie was at 4.55 so we happily sat at starbucks to waste the time away. BUT the movie was at 4!!! thank god the ticket uncle was nice enough to slot us in to the next time slot. 'Hannibal Rising' is a gruesome and sickly awesome movie. it also weirdly urges lim pei's hunger pangs. gosh. the rest of the day was spent discussing important female-oriented topics. haha!

"where is my baby
not with me

(dreams)
to hug her ever so tightly
tell her i think of her everyday
to kiss her ever so sincerely
tell her i love her in every way

(awake)
she is not here
missing her" ---- the song emotion sings

marianne & me LOVE candy!

cringing at the sight of "Frankenstein"

i keep myself in a state of depression
to sustain the state of hunger suppression
its pure dedication
but it gives me ultimate satisfaction

am BORED as hell. i have too much time on my hands i swear. people will preach to me to use it for studying. but hey i need a life (not that of a nerd!) hmmm.. i will go in search of chilling buddies soon. but who? sucks to be a pathetic loser la.
so i am only left to stay at home and entertain myself with my new best friend... HUNGER! haha. i starve in hopes of reaping beauty. i hope god will bless me with it. or else ill shatter and just kill myself because i'd rather be suffering in hell than being an obese ass that i am now.

THINSPIRATION! bones..bones..bones..

hesaid,shesaid

teleporter

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