i am kodok

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Sunday, March 30, 2008 [ 12:20 AM ]

since the world likes talking about me
i will narrate my life story here

alcoholic! (won't deny it mother fuckers.)
nocturnal
rainbow
i love my cheeky rat (anyone has a problem, you come talk to me!)
more love to my girls (ally, alex, triads!)
monkeys i will kill because of hypocrisy

if you hate me just tell me, because god knows that i hate you too.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008 [ 10:33 AM ]

i am a bitch(always proud to be one!)

but not a narcissistic ass

what i say in this cyber realm is not all about the self

inspiration walks with the lives of those around me

it can be you, her, them

so read and comprehend

for what i say most will understand

AND A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MOOOUUNA!!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008 [ 9:01 AM ]

love me to save me

when you were mine.

[ 8:55 AM ]

if only we could control the hands of time

escape into the past

i would have changed the way things turned out

why it is the way it is

why i am the way i am

i would have cherished, savoured those moments

i loved

i lost

i regret

i cried

i bled

it is not the love that has morphed. it is the self. this is the sad reality.

i abhore the self.

i apologise to the world

[ 3:23 AM ]

she left me lost

stranded

alone....

Monday, March 24, 2008 [ 8:53 AM ]

the word NO girlfriend is part of my life now
accept it
as sarah calls it, SEXY single! (i laugh with a saddened heart?)

never is it easy

to love me

for i am fickle and the eyes wander aimlessly

all i can say is 'i am so sorry'

it ends not for others

but for the self

we are all sufferers

opaque minds to read like books on a shelf

but the heart aches and soul hungers

love her and not yourself

i let you go

for you are more than everything to me

even if the world screams no!

i will say screw you and let me be.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 [ 10:49 AM ]

do not toy with emotions

for many will bleed tears of pain

it is not a game of tug-of-war

near far near far near far

if it ends do it quick

else remain in silence

it never is easy

for you can never control the innate need to be human

but spare the hearts of others

cherish

Friday, March 14, 2008 [ 9:35 AM ]

runaway

i bleed tonight

i cry

because i destroy

hurt those that are dear to me

all i bring is sadness, disappointment and pain

never is it easy to realise this

but i tell all those that i love to stay away

it is better that way

Thursday, March 13, 2008 [ 11:02 PM ]

the word hopeless comes to mind when you think of me.

so just let me be

never is it easy

to love me

for i am what you call, solitary--

[ 1:40 AM ]

despise aimlessness

irritable when bored

in a mess

i just pray for solitude

alone

romancing with no one

hopes of none

dreams left undone

do NOT even think that you can comprehend the situation i'm in

*dearies i ain't gonna participate in femme quest no more. still love me eh?*

their web of lies.

Sunday, March 2, 2008 [ 6:31 PM ]

am i not being made a fool?
a puppet to their whims
oblivious to all that is the truth
victim
why does she scream at me?
i know nothing
it is unfair
for i am no brainless being
and i too have feelings
so i pray for all those that lie
whilst still putting on a smile
to move as far away from me as your feet can take you
for it is only with pure abhorrence that i look upon you.

a warped sense of fulfillment

Saturday, March 1, 2008 [ 9:40 PM ]

miscommunications between 'little people' . gay girls are confusing sometimes. (the outcome: dating; friends; boredom; turaiya is malay!)
found a wallet. coincidentally found the owner. sat and laughed hysterically at the owner trying to find his wallet. POOR M.S!
toothless minah thinks i am out to steal her boyfriend. UPON KNOWING THAT I AM A LESBIAN! why?
results. you either make it or break it.
word searching my new addiction
alcoholism

[ 9:09 PM ]

i swear its hate.

when sparks fade..

[ 8:38 PM ]

the beauty astonishes
the eyes the mind fixated
as time slips away it vanishes
the self is left empty-- often agitated

this is my perception
of all things beautiful
pleasure only a rancid deception
its essence is what is detestful
the skeletal frame of what one thinks is a lover's passion
but as boredom arrives what is shared is hateful
have wise intuition
be truthful

escapism
a utopian dream
love a web of hedonism
a silent scream

yet, i find myself a victim
searching for the one true love (can you love many? for sometimes i think i do..)
a fairytale(or is it a nightmare?)
i do wish for it to be a reality
but the duality in these words confuses me
i am lost
where is she?
will she come find me?
or is solitude and lonely my only company
if you love me, please tell me
for only then will i be released