i am kodok

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life as a confusing vessel

Sunday, January 13, 2008 [ 5:06 AM ]

boredom is my new best mate
she lives and breathes with me. "why a she?" you ask. (i basically want it that way)

i find myself questioning, pondering..
why do i not trust
why do i fear
why do i shield myself from the warm embraces
the answer is simple.
i once loved. (did i? was it true? well at that moment i believed so..)
revealed myself, vulnerability
emotions abused
i cried rivers of tears(every single night)
bled for what i thought was love
sacrifice
cheated

yet, i also find myself falling deeper
sinking into her eyes
secure in her arms
asleep on her lap
loving her, feeling her
wanting to live for the moment
trusting her
but i fear, i fear
this haunting fear
assure me
and i will be yours forever

encrypted

Sunday, January 6, 2008 [ 8:50 AM ]

what you know is never what it is
facades. lies. denial
reality is that truth is inexistent
words in itself are a creation by man
the selfish and cruel man(or should i say woman?)
the embodiment of purity is...
rejection
suppression
futile attempts of escapism

you dwell in an intoxicated state
where life is nothing but a fatal cloud.

when i look upon her

idyllic dreams

a world of wonder

filled with gleeful screams

it breaks me to know it never is forever

but, her eyes speak of timeless moments

i believe...

i believe?

confusion torments

conversations in the dark

Thursday, January 3, 2008 [ 9:36 AM ]

to whom it may concern:

tormented by the memories
i sit and stare blankly
her voice seeps failed glories
does she not lie to you frankly?
the once beautiful stories
now stride across your fears lankily

she says "faith" with earnest
you think hope, or is it the heart that speaks?
the mind is not honest
polluted by the emotion that sneaks
yet, you dream of a love that is purest
sadly-- the stain leaks! the stain leaks!

i want the skin, HER skin
is it not a sin?
obsessive thoughts driven in
an inescapable din

although now we are strangers
remember that 'i love thee truly'
despite the bubbling angers
my heart is yours eternally