i am kodok

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Thursday, August 30, 2007 [ 10:24 AM ]

forgotten

visages of the mind

Wednesday, August 29, 2007 [ 7:58 AM ]

bleak days ahead

passed days driven out of mind (please let me forget.)

a dread

i just want to remain in my dreams

free from reality

where wishes come true

pain inexistent

disappoinment a far cry

awake

you are alone

only

you

the fight for optimism, but drowning in pessimism

surrender

decay

passive, you watch

reflection of self

you cry

deteoriration

you are No More.

-__- (you call that a face?)

Saturday, August 25, 2007 [ 7:24 PM ]

life is full of _____! (fill in the blanks)
i really can't be fucked with anything right now
not the prelims, not my obesity, not even my emotional degradation

is it surrender?
maybe

its more worn down to nothing.. (if you know what i mean)
no more tears left
no more space on the arm to slice the pain away
slicing the tummy tingles too much, i don't like it!

all things beautiful are inexistent
i am not trying to be melodramatic/ "emo"
its just.. reality
so shoot me! if you think i am talking cock
screw you! if you are critical on what i am saying

thank you. for your kind attention.

awakening

Wednesday, August 22, 2007 [ 7:57 AM ]

they say..
why self-cruelty?
do not satisfy
hunger, always

2 years
of life away
great destruction
tonight
i dont even know what to say anymore..

FUCK
anger
frustration
disgust
hate

I NEED CONTROL!

recently

Monday, August 20, 2007 [ 11:36 PM ]

you

hate

tears

pain

blood

loss

waste

futility

destruction

why?

because you don't speak to me.

lost one gained many

Thursday, August 16, 2007 [ 7:52 AM ]

in great sadness there is happiness
nothing clearly separates these phenomenons
its a parallel of similarities between polarities

this grief overcame me
at moments when the sun is the highest
where your skin is scorched, throat parched-- dry and shrivelled

i apologise to my dear friend whom my tears soaked her shoulders
i cherish you ever so deeply on this day
you, always being there in times when i am most abandoned
although your identity is silenced, here and now
you will forvever remain in my sweet rememberance as my solace against negativity

drowned in the emotions of lost love
pathetic as it may seem, i sat transfixed in the canteen weeping
yet, what i gained was beyond what i can pray for--
friendships brimming with concern that filled me with happiness(shockingly!)
those peachy smiles
blur looks
stupid jokes
are things that preserve my sanity.

thank you to all those that have heard me(especially the one who heard me rant today!)

peek-a-boo(shit!!)

Saturday, August 11, 2007 [ 8:18 PM ]

my words became a reality?
horrifying as it is..

a long night
Psyche cleansing herself(or is it a him?)
tears of pain
streaming, not trickling

daybreak awakens all beings
reincarnated
rebirth
i am over it

energies no longer channeled to make things work(i tried so fucking hard.i truly did..)
now, fulfillment in strides towards perfection in self

i do not love
for it does not exist
so why lie? (stop lying to me! stop it i say! STOP! STOP! STOP!)
i seek what is more.. fulfillment in the subliminal

my only is so very far away.(she flew, like a bird taking flight. i miss her! irony: i am not even her memory. do you know who you are?)

my answer-- NOWHERE!

decomposition of emotion

[ 1:18 AM ]

can i get a little bit of love?

as lost as i might be

awaiting-- my saviour Jove

forever lonely

with you i sit

yet, the distance repels us across borders

soul and being ripped into bits

longing-- a forever

"Broken!" i say,

broken-- shattered-- broken-- broken

psychological decay

it came all too sudden

i do not want to need

i do not want to feel

i want nothing

to be void off

my disease-- you

lost love

Friday, August 10, 2007 [ 9:40 AM ]

reality check

1, 2

reality?--illusions a reality without rationality

guilt

gnaws at your sanity

like a sore in the unreachable depths of your conscience

the throbbing pain

continues

on and On and ON, into the hollows..

where's the heart?

lost.

nowhere.

void.

love castrated-- emotions disemboweled-- humanity mutilated

SAVE ME!

your grimace

etched in my flesh like a bleeding wound

abandoning me to be devoured by death

yet, i love you. i want you, my sweetness

hysteria!

beauty in the grotesque.

voices within

Wednesday, August 1, 2007 [ 8:10 AM ]

societal reject

abhorrence

down to being fat

i wish i was beautiful

for people to love me(even you truthfully dont!)

but God chose to be unfair

leading a life full of detestful stares

where even the self denies an identity

why?

i pray for salvation to be accepted and adored

tell me how

and i will follow...

whispers of thinness

an inherent calling