i am kodok

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Monday, April 28, 2008 [ 9:22 AM ]

we always dreamt of having someone perfect to love
physically
characteriscally
the whole caring and understanding bullshit

for me it was a girl..
tall
sculpted body
intoxicating scent
caramelised tanned skin
telepathic
enigmatic

a rebel

yet,
never similar to me

as i said
DREAMT

today i realised that it is the very imperfections that i love
the quirks
messy flow of her hair
the occassional temperaments
dazed eyes
obsession with what is beatiful

maybe its just her, as she is.
love

SHE CALLS HERSELF "MUMMY"

Saturday, April 26, 2008 [ 9:31 AM ]

hate-- an endless entity
bounteous in its depth
why has it morphed into my identity
satiating the anger of a raving psychopath

my infant cries silenced
abused

mother--
a figure of love now turned to abhorrence
smother her! smother her!
all i want is silence (i cry)
torture her! torture her!
a subversion of patience

detest your own being
for her blood runs within-- THE CONTAMINATION!
drives the vicious cycle of my mutilation

to bleed
is to feed
my insurmountable need
to be freed

simplicity

[ 12:10 AM ]

she stares
doubtful
deaf to word vomit
my soul purged

desperate
i say, 'baby believe me'

she still stares
wondering
minds beguiled
blinded by facades?
i say,imbecillity

why does she stare?
uneasy
exposed
the parallels between love and trust
differentiated only by their inversions
she still does not believe me

bury it.

Thursday, April 24, 2008 [ 9:01 AM ]

nauseated by aimlessness

the endless state of intoxication

the dazed stares

empty talks

i reminisce those cherished moments

where conversations were witty and intellectual (at least we thought so)

blunt remarks bruising our egos only to be uplifted by laughter

smiles that follow you wherever

my dearest triads

missed more than anything

i swear to myself

that what i am today ends here and now

to being myself

not a social atrocity.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008 [ 9:45 AM ]

my tonsils hurt!

random

uncertainty

madness

intoxicated

addiction

tu.

the mind lingers
a lost soul prowling subliminal grounds
the body quivers
the awakening of a dormant monstrosity-ZOUNDS!
her eyes roll
her fists cold
let the truth be told
hear not her name
see not their stares
angered

the parallel
duality in the meaning of ache
heart?
soul?
physicality of being?
complexities i say
bleeding is the way
but i love and the thoughts slowly sway
screams-- get the blade away