i am kodok

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the unique one

Tu. etc etc.

misery.

Thursday, April 5, 2007 [ 7:43 AM ]

all the stress of the past days has left me with a breakout of rashes.
YES.. stress causes me to have eczema. ARGH!!!
aside from that i was not able to go to the gym because of NPCC.
NO GYM= miserably obese TURAIYA! (i guess there's a reason why people call me tutu.. because i am the size of 2 people put together!)
been having a super short fuse these days too. maybe its PMS, or maybe its just me getting more and more impatient with age.

i hope everyone out there would understand the situation i am in. although my life may seem all normal and bearable in your eyes, inversion is what is reality.

appearance-- people eat when they are hungry, enjoy the satisfaction of the pleasure of taste. eating to me is a torture. i eat to survive(once A levels is over.. BYE BYE eating!). i weigh perspectives before i take each painful bite. yet, hunger leaves me in a whirlwind of frustration. i LOVE food!! but its effects simply deter me entirely. looking into the mirror is like a horrible nightmare, which i never awake from. sleep is a rare luxury.. 3 hours and i am contented.
emotions-- never given trust, but expected to trust. everyone doubts me. always lied to. disappointment a ritualistic phenomenon. strength and dependence only in self, for i am alone. facade of smiles. pessimistic. silenced for acceptance. sacrifice for survival. entrapped in expectations. superficially understood. future of failure. identity spun by all 'wrongs'.

chatterbox

hesaid,shesaid

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