today was expected to be good. it being a friday, start of the weekend. it kinda fell short with my PW results and all. i put in a hell load of effort for it, rehearsed my presentation quite a few times and i was sure to be graded something reasonable. but failure fell upon me once AGAIN and i got a fucking 'C' for it. from that moment on, my day when plunging down. i exploded on every single person whom i came into contact with. from my friends, to my mom. i was seeking a sort of comfort from everyone. it was efforts that reaped nothing. instead, everyone critisized me and gave me a "you should've worked harder" kinda attitude, which so pisst me off even more. i was upset by the results that i broke down in the bus on my way home. HOW PAI SEH?!

i withdraw into myself now. finding solace in food. i have soooo GIVEN UP on trying to maintain my weight. this chase for appearance is really wearing me down. why am i struggling to look presentable, when i don't even feel satisfaction or elated from it? i do NOT give a fuck anymore. seriously. i will be the size of rasputia, with a uni-brow for all i care. if you are dear to me, you would not care of how i look, would you? unless of course you like the "inexistent" image rather than the person that i am. say "so long" to the weight-obsessed me and "hello!" to the compulsive eater/foodie.

today's entry being in a sort of prose shows how drastic the effects of the day has been on me. if only you knew....